Diversion.

How did the listening experiment go? Did you notice anything new, different, the same?

The first client I saw yesterday is a great story teller. He has a particular way of using his name when he's portraying himself in a tale that I find intriguing and I'm still trying to explain it to myself so that I might be able to imitate it for you. He's not seeing us by his own choice, but I can tell he is the type to 'make the best of it.' Still, about ten minutes into a fifteen minute visit, I was engaged in my own brain talking to me about our day at the office. Three people were out with the same crud that I've just now shaken off and hacked out of my lungs and I was busy trying to sort out what I could do to help, and all that more important than the fella in front of me stuff.

I noticed what I was doing, thinking about something completely different than the human being in front of me and thought of the blog. I realized, there are degrees of distraction and, if we are going to use the 1-10 scale, I was about an 8 away from what was really much more important than my own list of things-to-do.

This got me to thinking, after the dude left (you'd call him a dude too, it's fitting), what is it like for the checkers at Vons? They deal with streams of distracted humans. Most of the checkers I deal with are as checked out as the people they are helping (could not resist that one), but some of them try to have a conversation, a little bit of a human interaction. They tell me the customers who are on the phone while they go through line are the worst. On the phone?? I know it happens, I see it and am annoyed. You know how research says we all have homicidal tendencies? Mine come out when I'm in a market or a restaurant and someone is on the fucking phone. It's a look into the worst part of American society-entitled, rude, disengaged. (I say American because when I was in France, I only saw maybe two people on the phone while they were walking the street and never, ever in an eating establishment).

Wow, that was a digression. Here it is not even light yet and I'm ranting.

There is a feeling that goes along with intent. It's the same feeling that comes with real, deep listening. Perhaps it's a state? Maybe that is a better way to explain it. Deep listening is a state of being that takes work, dedication, discipline. It's a way of breathing, has it's own posture, and requires focus on everything. How's that? Work for you?

The fellow yesterday, the dude, noticed my distraction; I saw it on his face, brief and obvious. I felt bad and said, "sorry, I just got distracted by my day." He said, because he is properly socialized, "it's okay," but it's not really. He made the trip and paid for an appointment that he doesn't want to have to keep, and I at least owe him my full attention. Because this human connection matters, and my anxieties, curiosities, or self motivated distractions really shouldn't take precedence over connection.

Today, I will practice better and deeper listening. Today, I will listen for the hurt in my co-workers barbed 'joke' about another co-worker; I'll listen for the despair in the bored-out-of-her-mind-to-be-here client; I'll listen and make connection.

Wish me luck. I'll report back later.