Two worlds.

For me, things happen in my head well before they actually occur in the world. I think of something I want to do, like move to a new place, start a new job, live where my heart has always felt at home years before I actually step off and do the free fall. Sure, there is planning, and that is part of it, but I think this process has more to do with my cautious nature or sensitive reactions. I've learned to trust this bubbling up of "things to do." Move to the Sierra? Sure. Snow camping? Why not? Create a (mostly) photography blog? Will do. Teach? Can I? Write? Hmm, really?

I've been writing these very words for a long, long time (in my head) and have even dictated important and vital stories to the air while walking in the forest here where I live, but I haven't written them down. I spend time with these ideas, mull them, until there is a moment where I have to give them over. Still, at least right now, I have the words I am writing and the ones I am jotting down on the pad of paper next to me. The ones I dare say and the ones I dare not. The two worlds.

The list of reasons why: I love to write, need to. Love the feeling, the focus. It's like cooking, or hiking, being a radio dj, shoveling a big heap of snow, or listening very carefully.

The reasons why not: It's revealing, scary. I don't spell well. It's too public, too exposed, too much to say. Too much.

Still, the risk is the thrill and the task, if there is one, will be a mending. Do the two worlds collide or blend? I suppose we shall find out.